Skinamarink

I missed going to the pumpkin patch. It was wonderful being able to go with the family again. It was an absolutely beautiful weekend with the weather in the low 70s, and I have to say, a pumpkin patch is such a pretty place to watch a sunset. In Florida, the pumpkin patches we went to were just people setting up shop in a parking lot or outside a church. After all the festivities, it was time to watch...

Skinamarink (2022)

This movie sucked.

I've always wanted to do one of these reviews and just put those three words up and call it a day. But as much as I hated it, I feel like I owe it to the tens of you who will read this. I tried reviewing this movie last year after my old roommate Peter suggested it. I got 10 minutes in and turned it off because I hated it. This year, I was determined to give it a try, not only to see if it gets better but to see if Peter was holding some type of grudge and this movie is his way of getting back at me,

The one-hour and 40-minute slog starts when a young brother and sister wake up to their dad being gone. Not only that... they have same problem with the windows, doors and other the stuff that keep disappearing. It's an interesting premise executed in the worst possible way. It's so boring. Unbelievably boring. It does the thing I disliked about We're All Going to the World Fair and staying on a shot of nothing for a long time without anything happening. There are 500 words spoken in 100 minutes, and not a damn thing happens for the vast majority of it.

I got so bored with it that I played around on my phone and would occasionally look over to read the close captions when someone said something every 10 minutes. Not only that, it got very annoying with its jump scares. It's like the movie knew that it was boring as hell so it would randomly throw in a loud screech and then throw something at the camera so you'd wake up. The ending takes forever too. It does like eight fake-outs where you think the movie is over, but nope! It goes back to the staticy shit we've been dealing with the entire time. Seriously, I felt like Elaine from "Seinfeld" watching The English Patient. I was screaming in my head, begging the movie to "Just end already!"

Also, the way it's shot is annoying too. You don't see much of anything the entire time. I don't think you get a good look at what the kids look like outside of one shot. You get goofy shots of a wall for 30 minutes before it goes to another boring object for 40 minutes with an occasional line of dialogue. I think this movie had potential, but it just feels like a college student's final project slapped together at the last minute. It really feels like they were padding the runtime by including so many unnecessary shots of a wall, a toilet and old-time cartoons. It's an hour and 40 minutes long but feels like it's 10 hours. If they cut out all the shots where nothing happens, this movie would be five minutes long. I'm not joking.

From reading about it on Reddit, there's not much middle ground with this movie. From what I've seen, people either love it or hate it. This movie wants so bad to be Eraserhead but is so bad. I didn't care for Eraserhead either, but at least it has an iconic poster. I've never been more bored while watching a movie. I think I can safely say, I hated it.